Quest for Obama’s Birth Doctor

As of September 5, 2009 no doctor has come forward to state that he or she was the doctor that brought Barrack Hussein Obama, II into the world on August 4, 1961.

The White House is in a panic since their first choice Dr. Sanjay Gupta declined the honors and decided he did not want to be Surgeon General.

Planned Parenthood wanted to come to Obama’s aid and recommended Dr. George Tiller. In order to secure the cooperation of Doctor Tilller, the Obama Administration placed his political patron and savior, Governor Kathleen Sebelius as head of Health and Human Services. The new HHS Secretary ordered the Kansas Medicinal Board to change all the medical records at his clinic to state that no baby was aborted, but all were stillborn. Some in the Administration said that having so many stillborn births for a obstetrician was highly questionable, however Janeane Garafalo after consulting with Michael Moore came up with the reasoning that after bringing the Perfect One into the world, everything would be downhill for Tiller. Janeane also said if they still questioned this “inspired” reasoning they were nothing but racists and should be sent for reeducation. On May 31st, 2009 this did not turn out as expected.

Oprah Winfrey wanted to rescue her beloved Barrack and offered the services of Dr. Oz. This was difficult to accept because Dr. Oz was only 14 months old on August 4, 1961. Oprah told Rahm Emmanuel that Dr.Oz was a prodigy. However, Rahm nixed this idea when it was learned that Dr. Oz’s real name is Mehmet Oz, a common Turkish Muslim name. It is reported that Rahm called Oprah to say, “If only Barrack was not trying to destroy Israel at this time, we might get away with it. After all Oprah your audience would believe anything you say.”

Through our source in the White House, we have learned that Obama has kicked the Joint Chief of Staffs out of the “Crisis Room” to set up a temporary headquarters for the selection committee, who would come up with a name that every American would recognize and believe. The three acres of super-computers at the NSA’s Fort Meade were made available to the administrations new office of Cover-Ups. After seeking former VP Al Gore’s permission to use the amount of electricity needed for an average size city the computers came up with three names. The list has been narrowed down to Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. Jame Kildare and Marcus Welby M.D.

Upon discovery of our quest, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton sent us the following photograph of who she believes is the true birth doctor of the ONE. However we have been assured that on August 4, 1961 Doctor Josef Mengele was not in either Hawaii or Kenya.

After much research, the Birthers have discovered the true physician present at Obama’s birth was. It turns out that it was not one doctor, but three world famous healers of the Funny Bone. We can now announce with absolute certainty that it is two brothers and a distant cousin that brought baby boy Barrack into the word. These famous Doctors are, Dr. Larry Fine, Dr. Curley Howard and Dr. Moe Howard.

Calling Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine and Doctor Howard, report to the Oval Office.